Friday, November 25, 2005

All creatures great and small

Hi People,

I know, I know. I'm a bad doggie. I'm in the Doghouse. I'm the mutt in a rutt.

Apologies to all of you - I clearly haven't been writing all that much of late and to be honest, it's not fair to you, my fans. If I am to continue with my plans for (Greyhound) world domination then I need to treat my loyal army a bit better and keep you better informed as to my goings on.

To tell you the truth, I have been through alot of high and lows of late, as you can see in the picture. A few people have a problem with my friends in the pic, but I don't see what all the fuss is about. So I like to chill with a miniature goblin from time to time - what's the problem, dude? So I shoot a few hoops with a seven foot basketball player of-an-evening - what ya gonna do, sue me? And yes, I enjoy the company of a vertically challenged lady in a gold lame bikini - What can I say? I'm a lover, not a fighter, and I make no apologies if the regime don't like it man. They keep me sane with their tall stories and short anecdotes and I love em.

You may have noticed that I haven't been racing too much of late. Well, I had a run-out last Saturday and it just didn't come together for me. It was embarrassing to tell you the truth. Some joker called Bell Crusader beat me by an absolute country mile, I ended up coming fifth and as a result, Jono thinks that I should take a week or two off.

No races for me this week then - instead I am catching up on some reading. I am currently working my way through the entire works of William Shakespeare - his stuff is actually not bard for an old, dead bloke. I have already finished reading Twelfth Bite and I am working my way through Mutt Ado About Nothing. It really helps me take my mind of the pressures of racing and get away from the hustle and bustle of the kennels. Apart from that I've just been getting on with my campaign at and deploying more agents in the field to bring the home the bacon. Mmmm, Bacon. Or if they can't bring home the bacon, then a celebrity picture message will suffice. Mmmmm, celebrity picture messages.

So get cracking people - believe me when I say I have some great celebrity messages, agents in the field anecdotes and features coming up in the next few weeks, so keep your eyes peeled.

Peace. Love. Woof.

Flying Frank

P.S. - A big, big 'you should be ashamed of yourself' slating goes out to AIF (Agent In the Field) Spriggsy for his shameful performance. Right your wrong, man!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Ray-king it in

As you could probably tell, I was like a dog with two chicks after my victory last Saturday night. I blew the others out of the water - see ya later Tipsy Tarquin, eat mustard! Every victory is a special one, but this was especially sweet as it was from the dreaded trap 2. As you know, I start shaking when they hand me that blue jacket, so I was stoked that I could pull it out of the bag.

Because of that I have decided to take it easy this week, hence no racing and no blog postings. Instead, I decided to go oop north and see a good mate of mine, footballer Ray Parlour (pictured). We always go out on a bender whenever possible (Escapades in Darlington is our favourite haunt) and when we are together, people call us the Poodle Parlour. Seriously, the man is a Ray of sunshine in this little doggies life, although now he is in the North East, we just don't get the Tyne to see each other anymore. He always Rayses my expectations that we might get to have a sherbert together, but it is not a as frequent as when he was at Arsenal. Still, I know he is in good hands up there at Boro as my close pals Bark Viduka and Ugo Ehidog are there to take care of him. I also had some good buddies at the club when Terrier Venables was the manager and going back in time, when they used to play at Ayeresome Bark, which is why I always look for their results.

As you know by now, I am big, big, big mates with some seriously famous footballing folk. However, one of my good buddies in the game, Flying Frank Lampard, has so far been quiet on the old messaging front - come on agents in the field! Let's get hold of the original Frankster and get his message. As for other 'slebs, they have literally been flying in and I will put them all up as often as possible (we only have dial up at the Kennels, see).

I am chilling from racing for a few days - you have probably noticed that I have not competed this week - and while resting, I have been asked alot about various rumours. One such story that has surfaced concerns whether I am going to go out on the road, away from the stow, and emBark on a Nationwide tour. Whilst I can't comment specifically on these stories, what I can say is that I am planning to go out on the road, away from the stow, and emBark on a nationwide tour.

More to follow on all this, but need to go now.

Couple of shout-outs:

- A massive 'big up yourself' to agent in the field Eldridge for your continued support for the campaign. You are a gent, sir!

- A huge 'hare is approaching' shout-out to agent in field Jacobs for your recent contribution. You are a lady, madam!

That's all folks - keep up the good work.

Peace. Love. Woof.

Flying Frank

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Live from the VIP section of Chans

I'm dedicated to this blog I am. Tonight at The Stow was another one of those nights I was born for. In the 2039 race I came out of trap 2 all motivated up (thanks to Mr Mo). Taking 2nd place after the first bend I picked my moment on the back straight and came flying through. All credit to trap 1 for pushing me to the max, but in the end you were no match for 'The Flyer' were you mate?! So another win means another party.

Which takes me to where I am now, in the VIP section at Chans, furiously pawing this message to my fans. Its been a while since my last victory and I thought I'd celebrate in style the only way I know. Quick shower after the race, splash on a bit of the old smelly stuff, on to meet some laydeees and down a bit of the bubbly. I've just taken a break from pulling proceedings to post this message to you and it feels good. Not half as good as some lucky lady here is going to feel later though. She may get a bit disoriented, as for her the fireworks are going to go on all night.

Peace. Love. Woof.

PS. Message to Jono - don't wait up for me tonight. ;-)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Motivation's what you need

Well if you haven't already heard, I came second. It was a tremendous night at The Stow (the place was packed to the rafters - how can they even think about closing it down?? - stop this madness and go to now) and there was a big posse from Frank PR there.

On the plus side, I ran fine and I am really in my stride now after my injury. However, I don't know if it was the bright lights, the atmosphere or the fact that Dave the handler wasn't with me (he's only part-time, you see), but it just didn't happen. I went round fine and in the back straight I flew, but ultimately I could only manage second. I hate that flippin' trap 2.

Anyway, you can probably see a pattern emerging - second. I keep coming second! Silver medal positions a-plenty and I'm getting fed up with it. Which is why I have called in reinforcements. I got on the blower and got my big mate Mr Motivator to give me a bit of advice. You can see Mr Mo, as I call him, in the photo above - I have known him for a while, primarily through Lorraine Kelly (Special LK) and their connection at Greyhound Morning TV. He's a great guy but not sure his message is going to hep me, I mean:

Be bad? - I'm not Michael Jackson mate!

Be mean? - ahem, I am Irish, not Scottish

Be wicked? - Whatever Mr Mo. 'Wicked' is so nineties. I'm not wicked, I'm dope.

He also told me I should think about a Marathon. Don't know about that one - I prefer to think about Maltesers. They're the lighter way to enjoy chocolate.

I don't know, he has a good track record and he is a lovely guy, apart from when he wears those colourful leotard get-ups. It's enough to put a man off his Iams. Anyway, I will keep his words close to my heart (as I do those of all my celeb friends) as I have another race coming up - I am flying out of trap 2 (boo! Down with the red coat. Give me red I tell thee! Red!) in the 20.39. It takes place this Saturday night and with a Stow Faithful pushing me on, keep your fingers crossed for me.

As ever, full updates only on


Peace. Love. Woof.

Flying Frank