Friday, December 22, 2006
Merry Crimbo my old chums. Actually, Christmas time always reminds me of...erm Christmas.
I don't think the above picture needs much of an introduction. Eager readers of www.flyingfrank.com will know that this is the celeb picture I have been after for a while, the big one - the other Flying Frank, Lampard, who named himself after me.
I was delighted that the Chels-flea and Eng-grrrrr-land midfielder has finally been able to admit he is a fan and show some overdue respect to the one and only Dog with a Blog. I mean, I am already good pals with alot of the folk over at Chelsea - like my close pal Didier Dog-ba and old Pedigree Chum John Terry-ier. Because of that, it was good to finally grant the young lad an audience with his idol. It all came about when I was doing some of my now-famous Christmas visits to those less fortunate than me. I am not sure whether it was the Mourinho-meister or not, but someone phoned up Jono, my trainer (and self-styled Abramovitch of the greyhound world), and asked if I would make a special visit to the Magic Lamp (as I call him) and some of the other underpriveldiged kids at Stamford Bridge who were feeling a bit blue (they have to work on Christmas day you know!).
As a result of my pep-talk with The Flyer ( not me, him) I took him down to see me at Walthamstow last week, where he could view a real champ in action. I think he got alot out of it (must be the Scampi, chips and pint which HE STILL HASN'T PAID ME BACK FOR)...and best of all, he got to see me romp home to a cheeky victory just before Christmas.
Actually, Christmas time always reminds me of the time I met Frank's lady friend, Ellen. ho, ho, ho and all that.
I don't have much more to say to you - if i don't speak to you before have a great Christmas and keep your eyes peeled for my next race.
Peace. Love. Woof.
Flying Frank (The original and only dog with a Blog)
P.S - A big you-never-write-you-never-call-i-never-even-got-a-bleeding-christmas-card shout out to my owners at Frank PR who have just won 'PR Agency of the Year 2006' for the second year in a row...you can check them out at www.frankpr.it
Friday, November 17, 2006
What a week. What a only-the-most-important-race-of-my-life week! After a year of plying my trade in the Ryman Premier League of greyhound racing (shout out to my pal Marvin, the Bergkamp of Borehamwood FC), on Tuesday night I graduated to the Chumpions League of the sport. Bit more later on that, first a bit of housekeeping:
That race I told you about in my last post, I came third. W (it stands for Whatever. It's what all the young dogs are saying down the kennells, whilst they listen to Snoop and Pawtishead on their i-pups). Who gives a Flying Frank? got bigger fish to fry...
...like this race on Tuesday night just gone. 'Twas the Racing Post Festival down at The Stow. It doesn't get much bigger than that I can tell you. Even Sky Sports were there, complete with presenter legend Gary Newbon, or The Borbon as I call him (he really takes the biscuit). £1000 on offer for the winner of my race - as opposed to the usual ton (which those tight-fisted hoodlums at Frank PR never show me anyway). A massive crowd was there to cheer me and the stow was busier than the family planning clinic on Essex high road.
So why on earth did I stuff up big time, come fifth and embarass myself infront of literally dozens of avid SKY TV greyhound fans?
You tell me. Answers on a postcard to email@example.com
Anyway, as I woke up in a bout of depression on Wednesday morning, I had a note that dropped into my basket. It was from my good friend (and one-time lover) Anthea Turner, who sent the above message to me. Bunsen as I call her (Bunsen Burner - Anthea Turner), has always Turner-ed me on. I met her through her sister Tina and ever since then she has kept in touch. Infact, since she got married she has taken to sending me regular boxes of Cadbury's Snowflakes. Enough already - surely it's someone elses Turn.
It could be that Bunsen's chocolate has been what has been hampering me in recent races. Since Wednesday I have had a pure diet of only Water, Pedigree Chum and Ladies. I am focused for my next race - this Saturday night, 8.15pm at The Stow.
Watch this space, racing fans.
Enough for now,
Peace. Love. Woof.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Hello fans and fellow Triple F's
Some timely advice this week, as you can see in the message from my good friend, confidant and bank manager, Jamie Redknapp.
"Don't get caught Red-knapping" the former international midfielder and heart-throb muses.
And I tell you, he knows as much about conditioning The Flyer as his old man does about Football management. You see, I won last week and I need good friends like Redders to keep my feet on the ground. As a result, I was only too happy to take on his advice. You see, I have known him and his wife Louise for some time. An Eternalaty, you could say. He was a great lad with a ball at his feet and he hasn't changed since he retarted from football. If you know your French you will understand what I mean when I say: J'aime Jamie. The only thing that really annoys me about him is that he is so flippin' good looking and so flippin' good at football. I mean, surely you should only have, as a maximum, one of those things?
Anyway, enough about the JamieRedknapptheonewhousedtoplayforLiverpool-meister and more about The flyer-meister. Following my victory last week, Jono my trainer has entered me into a race tonight at the Stow. 19.58pm is the time of the race and if you are smart you will see that that is in half an hour. You are probably wondering how I am writing this so close to the race....I'm keeping it under my hat for now, but answers on a postcard...
Enough for now.
Peace. Love. Woof.
P.S - Shout going out to the Frank PR posse - loved what you came up with!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Just a little note to say I've now reached my half century of races! Not bad for a dog from the backstreets of Cork, eh? And they said I'd be glue before you know it! My record, for the aficionados amongst you, is:
And my sight is still perfect! To celebrate, I'll be running in my 51st race, tomorrow night at the Stow, 7.44pm. And they don't come much bigger: three hundred notes to the winner, plus trophy, plus first dibs on the future Mrs Flyer when i get back to the Kennels.
Will let you know how I get on - watch this space!
Peace. Love. Woof.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Anyhow, been a very busy few weeks, my recent results looking promising...infact I have had two massive wins (& trophy's) in the last ten days, with my most recent victory coming last night down at the Stow. There were a few things that I was very pleased about from last nights performance:
1) My starting price was 5-1. That's a few more english pounds under my vest, let me tell you (and boy, did I celebrate - hair of the dog this morning or what!)
2) My biggest prize money to date - £175. That'll be sent home to the family in Ireland I can tell you.
3) I beat that Club Jewel dog. Always riled me has CJ, and it pleases me no end to be giving her an absolute walloping on an ongoing basis
The only fly in the ointment is that the boys and girls from Frank PR couldn't make it last night. They 'claim' that they didn't know I was racing...hmmm, not sure about that one. See you on Saturday Chaps/Chappesses?
Anyhow, seeing as this is my only day off before I race again tomorrow (Can you believe it?!), Jono has decided to let me get near the yaptop and post online. Imagine my delight too, when I log on and see that my good friend and Thespiana (for that is the correct term for a female actor) Claire Sweeney has decided to drop me a line (see above) as well as a photo of support. What a great girl she is - I know she is busy at the moment up on stage with that Fattrick Swayze fella in 'Guys & Dolls' but she is such a sweeneyheart and always has time for her old mucker, the Flyer. Infact, I could not make this any more Clairer than it already is - we are very, very close friends and whilst I can't divulge the exact nature of our relationship, I can tell you that only last week I visited her London hotel and gave her a right royal.....sorry, my lawyers tell me I have to stop there. A right royal shake of the hand, followed by a lengthly debate on Economic reform, I think is what they would prefer I say.
I need to get off now to go and prepare for tomorrow. Around 7.48 at Walthamstow if you're interested.Byyee for now...
Peace. Love. Woof.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Well it's been a busy time, the last few weeks or so.
You will notice that the last time I blogged was the 6th July. "Why so long ago?", I hear you asking (I have very good hearing you see and I can hear you asking that from all the way over here in Claverhambury).
Is it because The Flyer doesn't care about his fans anymore? No way, Jose. That's not the case, I need all the fans I can get (Jono's turned the air con off, you see)
Is it because 'The Regime' don't like this blog? It's true, they don't like it but there is nowt they can do about it, so worry ye not
Is it because The Flyer has run out of celebrity fans to put on flyingfrank.com? YOU ARE HAVING A GIRAFFE. I have got more 'sleb friends than you could shake a stick at, but I choose to put them up in my own time. Mind you, I am still after the real-life Flying Frank Lampard. IF ANYONE SEES HIM, LET ME KNOW, I AM DESPERATE FOR IT.
No, the simple reason that I haven't posted is that I have been busier than David Beckenham's tattoo artist. Run off my feet I have been, with a mammoth six races in the last 24 days. It's busy this hurdling lark, but you won’t find me complaining. No Siree. It keeps everyone happy, not least of all the boys and girls who own me at Frank PR, who have seen me win again. My results in that time have been:
6th July - 5th place
8th July - 3rd place
15th July - WINNER
22nd July - 2nd place
27th July - 4th place
29th July - 5th place
Up and down results, I'll grant you, which is why it was good to hear from my good mate, Gaz, lead singer of the band Supergrass. His message reads "Flying Frank - you are a Superdog". Good lad - He's Alright, is Gaz. We met a few years ago and found that we had alot in common. We're young, we're free, and we both keep our teeth nice and clean, that sort of thing. And if anyone can name any of their other songs for me to make a couple of jokes about, let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org
Right, best be off then. It's Sunday, which is visitor’s day at the kennels. It's the day when the owners of the dogs are invited to come and visit. Except my owners are probably too busy making some PR or whatever (they never write, they never call...).
See ya for now - and anyone who comes across Flying Frank Lampard, you know where to find me...
Peace. Love. Woof.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Well, I didn't do fantastic in my race last week....fifth in fact. Never really got going from the start and my fast-becoming-nemesis, Club Jewel didn't fare much better. Luckily my handler, Dave the part-timer, kept us well apart at the track, otherwise CJ would have found himself getting well and truly Flying Franked.
Anyway, the wannabe, pretender-to-the-throne has sent me the following message:
Dear Frying Flank,
I see we’ve been scheduled for a re-match tonight. Bring it on!
The public just can’t get enough of us.
Don’t expect to get anywhere near that winner’s podium though cos there’s a spot reserved for me and there certainly ain’t room for the two of us.
I just hope you like the view of my backside - that’s all you’ll be seeing come 7.58.
I’ll treat you to hare ‘n’ chips after the race to show there’s no hard feelings.
See you tonight, Dog Breath.
Altogether now - 1,2, 3: WHATEVER!!
Yes, it's true, we are racing against each other tonight and I suppose it's a kind offer from CJ to treat me to hare 'n' chips after the race, although I can do without him rabbitting on all night. We shall see.
In any case, a really good mate of mine, Tricky Trevor Brooking, has sent a message in (see above) which should leave you in no doubt who his favourite dog is. Sir Tricky Trevalot (as I know him) is an old mate, not to mention loyal. Although you already know that, seeing as he played for West Ham for many years. Always went on about blowing bubbles. Strange fellow.
Anyway, on with the William Hill stakes, at the Stow tonight, 19.58pm - a trophy race, no less.
wish me luck!
Peace. Love. Woof.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Jono has booked me into an open race tonight at the Stow. Open race meaning that any Tom, Dick or Harry can try and take on the Original Frankster. Bring 'em on, I say. It's the 20.48 'Four Handed Retirement Hurdle' race, which reminds me of a very good night some time back....anyhow, it'll be tough, but I'm looking forward to it.
Bit of a pain actually, because I was already booked to do a meet and great Jumpin' Jaks in Darlington, my old haunt. Shame. That's thirty quid (plus expenses) I'll never see again.
The main competitor I have in the race tonight is some fella called Club Jewel. Club Fool, more like. Let's just say we have a history. He's owned by a syndicate called the Four Tops and I will put it like this: When we are flying round the bends, he better not so much as Reach Out - (cos) I'll be there.
Wish me luck!
Peace. Love. Woof.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Watcha Peeps. It's onwards and upwards round these parts, I tell ya. At the start of the year, it went from bard to verse. Then I ditched the Shakespeare and I took some time out. It's an open secret that a 'rest' was forced on me by Jono, my trainer and I wasn't too happy about it. We nearly had some 'artistic differences', lets say. Or, to not put too fine a point on it, Jono nearly had some enforced 'artistic differences' with certain areas of his anatomy. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I have now retrained as a hurdler and last Saturday night was my third race in my new discipline.
As you can see from the brief posting below, I came fifth in my first race and runner-up in my second. Well on Saturday night I was back where I belong. Biggest night of the week at Walthamstow, all the lovely ladies done up to the nines, the smell of scampi and chips wafting through the air....and a lovely present promised to be from my current squire if I do the business.
There is only one option in these situations, one thing I can do. Run like the clappers, in the true spirit of Flying Frank Lampard (my hero) and give it everything.
I only flipping well won. What a night, what a result. I won. I burger-flippin, chip-frying, chilli-sauce pouring, salmonella catchingly-well won. Top of the pile, King of the hill. I'm back.
As if that wasn't enough motivation, when I got home, there was this lovely message (see above) from my good friend Becks. You might not know this, but he actually used to work at The Stow as a glass collector in his youth. Ever since then, we have become bosom buddies. I guess the seeds of our friendship were sown when we went for a really expensive slap-up chicken meal at a fancy restaurant. Always did have a thing for a Posh Bird. After that, we would meet up all the time, especially for me to give him fashion advice (although once I got it Sarong it was embarrassing). Anyway, we still keep in touch now that he is at Real Muttrid (Grrrronaldo is another good mate) and I was touched with his message.
I don't want to go into it too much, but there was a little embarrassing incident that happened at the weekend with me and the big man. You know how he was sick in the middle of the Ecuador game on Sunday? Well...guilty as charged! Let's just say we got together the night before and let our hair down, the next thing you know it was: one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR**!
Hey ho, onwards and upwards got to go and do a celebrity appearance at Bluewater shopping centre with The Chuckle Brothers. Will let you know when my next race is!
Peace. Love. Woof.
P.S. - A big shout out to my latest homeboy and Triple F (Friend of Flying Frank), Mr Ian H, who now joins the flyingfrank.com Hall of Fame with the other members. Keep spreading the FF love, Sir!
** David Beckham's lawyers have asked flyingfrank.com to point out that Mr Beckham did not stay up the night before the Ecuador game drinking Tequila and that this tale is in fact made up by Flying Frank. It was Bourbon.
Friday, June 23, 2006
alot to tell you about, as it goes, the main thing being that I AM BACK RACING! Since my last race, it has gone like this:
Saturday 10th June - I came 5th. Was well away but hit a hurdle
Saturday 17th June - Second!
All going well so far, but I have to yap off. The Ghana team have asked me to go to Germany to give them some last minute advice ahead of the Brazil game. It's Ghana be a good one.
Peace. Love. Woof.
P.S - racing again on Saturday!
Friday, June 09, 2006
After what seems like months chilling out in the kennels with my bitches, its great to announce to you, my loyal followers, that I'm back in the traps tomorrow night in the 19.57pm "Cancer Research UK thanks to Sue and Mick Puzey Stakes" which will see me, the Flyer make his hurdling debut....yes, that's right, you heard me correct - hurdles!
When Jonno first told me he wanted me to try out as a hurdler, I told him where to jump, but after some reflection over a bag of Bonios and a chilled bowl of Volvic , I started to come round to the idea. Jonno reckons that jumping will help me focus on the job in hand and not get distracted by all the bitches on the track...yeah right, as if. I called on my my good pal Jonathan Edwards or Eds as I refer to him, the World Champion triple jumper for a spot of advice. I've known Eds for years and he has always been a good mate - we did have a light falling out over Denise Lewis a while back and I told him where to hop, skip and jump, but its probably best not to dwell on the past. He sent me this message, which to be honest, I thought was a little over the top...as my old pal Sir Al says, we don't like a***lickers and we don't like schmoozer's. Its not a bloody game show Jonathan so stop trying to suck up just because I've got my own column in the Walthamstow Guardian and I'm a hit with the ladies.
Anyhow, I'm going to keep this blog short and sweet as the World Cup Opening Ceremony is about to start and Jonno has laid on a special screening at the kennels. My money is on Ivory Coast. Talking of money, I'm in trap one tomorrow and raring to go....you wont go far wrong with a few quid on The Flyer.
as they say in Germany, adios amigos...will let you know how I get on...
Peace. Love. Woof.
Friday, May 26, 2006
First, the big news of the week - Bruce Forsyth has got a CBE, which I am absolutely delighted about. Nice to C-BE you, to C-BE you nice. He's an old buddy of mine and I love playing poker with him (he always play his cards right) and I even beat him last week. Didn't I do well? He's a real close friend (and Bone Fide Friend of Flying Frank) and he often asks me to Come Dancing with him. Loving the Brucemesiter.
Secondly, even bigger news for all fans of the Mutt with the Strut. I am likely going to be racing again very soon. Yes, I know I haven't been around much lately, but I have had a couple of trials and I am planning to be bounding out of the traps in the next week or two. Taking it slowly, but The Stow here I come. Don't want to jinx it, so I will just say that at the moment I am on standby.
Apt really, because a good mate of mine is on the standby for the World cup squad and as we are in the same boat, he has sent a message in for me this week, that you can see here.
Spurs and England striker Jermain Dogfoe, as you can see in the pic, has always been a good mate of mine. He's the Jermain man as far as I'm concerned and I really hope that he gets to make it to Jermany in the summer. I mean, it Jermains to be seen whether he will, but I feel he has earned his spurs and that he deserves his chance. We grew up together, see, and I know for a fact that he would walk over hot goals to be in Sven's squad. We have always been close buddies and like me, he's a fighter. Come on my son.
Talking of which, I feel it in my water that I should probably write a world cup special fairly soon. Personally I can't wait for the tournament - I've got a few mates who are going out there (as sniffers) and they say that if you are going to bite a drunk, sunburnt, violent, british football hooligan, there is simply no bigger stage in which to do it on.
Before I'm off, just my usual plea to keep sending me emails to email@example.com. Also, can everyone keep an eye out for potential celebrity friends - you know the drill (and anyone who gets the holy grail - Flying Frank Lampard - will get executive membership to my fan club!)
Right, got to go - Sa Re Ga Ma Pa is about to start on Zee TV (it's kind of like an Indian Pop Idol) and I don't like to miss it!
Peace. Love . Woof.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Hello mateys and mateyesses,
It's been a bit boring round flyingfrank.com of late, but after weeks, months even, of inactivity in my racing career, I have an announcement to make about my future. I'll be honest, I had some pretty hot offers from the national press (and The Kennel Gazette) to sell my story but I just couldn't do it to you, the loyal readers of my blog. I wanted you to hear it here first. One such fan is my good friend Tim Campbell - or the Timbernator as I call him. He was the guy that won the first series of The Apprentice and he has been a mate for a while now. He knows how hard I have found the last two months and so he sent this message into me. As you can see he's a bit naughty on it, writing "Give me a call". I know all is fair in love and war but if he wants me to come and work for him and his company - www.integra-skincare.com - he really ought to approach my trainer Jono first. A bit out of order but there you go. He's obviously seen my dog-matic approach and wants a piece of the Flyer (and who can blame him). Forgetting all that though, he is a top man is old 'nice but Tim'.
He keeps himself nice and trim, does Tim. Especially when he's at the gym. Which he often visits on a whim. It keeps him nice and slim. Mind you, so does a swim. Not to mention singing a hymn.
Yeah, a real top bloke and his wishes have really kept me focused on what I want to do next.
Which is hurdle.
That's right, hurdle.
Colin Jackson. Sally Gunnell. Red Rum. There's going to be another name added to this hurdling hall of fame shortly - The Flyer. As you will recall, I got into a spot of bother with another dog the last time I was at the track. In those situations, you get a first warning. Another warning and you're out of the game forever and on a one way ticket to South-east-asia-restaurant-ville.
Although I didn't get my warning, Jono decided to take me out of the flat game and train me up for hurdles. For the last two months, my life has been tough to say the least, or as they say in Cantonese, (excuse my French, but that's just how I feel). It's been a constant regime of training, training and more training. To be fair, in the evenings I have been allowed to relax and watch the telly ( my current fave is Chup Chupa Kay at 7.30, every night on the Pakistani Channel - A candid camera show catching people at their best and worst. Catch it if you can) but other than that it has been full speed over the hurdles.
I'm not going to give too much away at the moment, as I know that some of my rivals are monitoring this. Safe to say that I will be racing soon, but I heard Jono tell my owners - those lovely chaps who smell a bit at Frank PR - that I am a dog "with alot of courage" and that I am "jumping nice and low". All encouraging. By the way, you can check them out at www.frankpr.it
Not much else to say, except I have recently got some celebrity messages that are literally going to rock your world. Recent captures include TWO Olympic Gold medallists, two England football legends and a two Knights of the Realm. Oh, and Suzi Perry (no, me neither). The one I still want though is the ultimate, the real Flying Frank - Mr Frank Lampard himself. Getting him would be like winning the Champions League, the World Cup and the Greyhound derby all rolled into one. If any of you see him on you're travels, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Bye for now,
Peace. Love. Woof.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Greetings fella and fellaresses:
I was sitting at home one night this week, having just finished my dinner (a fusion of East meets West if you must know - Prawn Bhuna, egg and chips), supping on pint of the old favourite (water) and it occurred to me that this Blogger (me) had been depriving my Blogees (you) a bit of female flesh lately.
Needless to say, when I realised my error, I got straight on the blower to my good friend, page 3 girl and Reality-TV staple, Leilani, who was only too willing to send in the message that you see before you. In this game you see, it's all about how you treat people, and the Leilaniator knows that The Flyer is a good lad. We go way back see, to before she was a famous model, like. We met one night down in Charlie Chan's - www.chans.cc - where I took her to the VIP area - we wined, we dined...she was ever so kind. And let's just say, we've been tight ever since. Whenever she's in town, we always hook up for a jar or two and I was stoked that she sent in this message...
Still no news on my racing career at the moment. To be honest, I've become a bit disillusioned with this game and I am thinking of getting out. Not too sure what I might do next...I was thinking maybe I would try writing - I suppose it's a novel way of making a living. I was also thinking of going and working for Kwik-Fit, but I've heard it's really tyre-ing. I dunno, I've always had a talent for window-making, although I understand it's a bit of a pane. Who knows - perhaps I'll just go and be a trampoline salesman (although I've heard even that's a bit up and down). I'm a bit of a drifter in some senses, so we will see where the wind takes me. Failing that, I may just stay racing. Tell you what - I'd really appreciate knowing what my army of fans think I should do. All offers and suggestions welcome to the usual email - email@example.com
Should be some racing news - one way or t'other - soon, so keep you're eyes peeled.
Peace. Love. Woof.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
I haven't written a posting in while and you assume that I've gone all Billy big time, that my celebrity life has caught up with me, that since I won my last couple of races I've turned into some kind of poncey, fast-living, arrogant so-and-so. Obviously that's all true, but it's not the reason I haven't written for a while.
It's like this: You have to pay your way down here at Claverhambury kennels. Jono Coleman, the Sven Goran of dog racing (but, and my lawyers have asked me to stress this, without the philandering), doesn't give anyone a free lunch and I am no different. I haven't raced for nearly two months see (and no - I don't want to talk about it), and as a result I am not bringing in any dough and therefore not keeping Mrs JC in the manner to which she has become accustomed. If I don't start racing again soon, she will have to start buying her threads in New Look. And nobody wants that. So if I don't bring anything to the table, my privileges get cut - the first one being T'Internet.
There was a time when I was the dogs danglies, the sublime canine, the pooch you would smooch. I mean, everyone wanted to do it in this doggies style. Now, you don't race for a bit and all the things you hold dear - like a little surf on the internet for pictures of Hollyoaks 'actresses' - are taken away from you. Apparently the other dogs would get jealous to see me on the computer (we have a communal one here at the kennels) and so JC suggested that I don't write on my blog for a while.
Obviously, I couldn't be putting up with it for too long and so I had to take the law into my own hands. This street dog had to employ a couple of lessons he picked up from the University of Life (where I got an upper second by the way). That's right, I went and got my own yaptop.
So not to worry people, I'm back, raring to go, should be racing again soon and I've also got a stack of new celebrity messages in the bag, including two footballing legends, a number 1 recording artist, an acting legend and a cricket bad boy. Oh yeah, and Dr Fox.
So keep your eyes peeled, I am going to try and be back on in a couple of days with the latest offerings for my faithful.
It's good to be back.
Peace, Love. Woof.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Ahoy there me hearties!
It's the Original Frankster back here, the nutty mutty, the dog with the blog.
Like I said last time, my current plans are shrouded in secrecy. You will note that I haven't been running lately. Very observant of you. I can't really tell you why, but shortly I will have an announcement to make that will make it all clear. Greyhound Times, Walthamstow Gazette - take note, it's gonna be a biggie. When I can tell you, I promise you I will. Just not now.
Despite me being in this ever-lasting limbo, it's still heartening to know that my firends in high places have not forgetten me. You will see the message above from none other than Captain Birds Eye. He's an old Navy buddy of mine (I just adore Navy - it's so much more my colour than a sky blue or a nasty burgundy) and let me tell you, when we have gone out together, we certainly have caught a Birds Eye or two. He's been in town this week with his Fish Finger Mini's but he still had time to confirm - as it says in his message - that I am still the apple of his Birds Eye.
We go way back, me and the Captainmeister. I first met him in church - he was praying to cod - and I started to feel unwell. I had a thumping Haddock and the Cap'n took me back to his plaice where we watched a film about fish together - a prawn movie, he called it. Anyway, our bond grew from there and we now try to sea each other as often as we can. We have similar tastes in popular music. He likes listening to Billy Ocean and The Waterboys, as do I , so we have a lot to talk about.
I heard he was in town earlier this week so I just jumped in a taxi crab and went over to see him. We had a whale of a time and I can't wait to catch up with him next time.
Anyhoo, that's yer lot for now. More celeb going's-on soon - and I promise I'll let you know my big news as soon as possible.
Keep the messages coming to firstname.lastname@example.org
Thursday, February 23, 2006
The reason why I haven't been on my blog for the last few days is that I have been in a bit of bother with the 'auforities'. Get this: Apparently I am a bit troublesome and as a result, Jono (my trainer) has taken me away from the track for a while. He says that I get into too many fights and upset the other dogs.
Fights?! Fights?! Can a bloke not gently kick, punch, headbutt and bite his fellow dog anymore? That's not a fight - it's just a gentle reminder of who's the boss. I've had enough of these flippin' sandal-wearing, cappucino-drinking, cardigan-clad liberals that you see on every corner these days, telling you that you can't get your knuckle duster/Uzi out anymore because it's not politically correct. Pansies, the lot of them.
Anyway, all I've done is given out a few gentle slaps and I am being threatened with being 'taken away from racing'. We've come to a compromise and I am just taking a few weeks off before I return to the track. Please don't misunderstand me though - I'm a lover, not a fighter. True, I did some boxing in my younger days (I was a Flyer-weight) when I used to idolise my favourite boxer, Muha-mutt Ali. Ah, them were the days - I couldn't wait for the bell to sound at the start of Grrrrrround 1 where I'd go out and give my all. Anyway, that was then but this is now and I don't want anyone misunderstanding me.
At least I can count on the wishes of my good friend Phil 'the Tuffmeister' Tufnell at times like these (see above). He's a good lad, is Tuffers. He's always been there for me no matter how stupid or Silly (mid-on) I have been. He is a wicket guy and will always push the boundaries for me. His wishes really keep me going.
OK, that's all for now. There's alot of stuff going down round here, which I can't tell you about yet. The only thing that keeps me going (along with the ladies) are the wishes from My Triple F's - Friends of Flying Frank. Keep 'em coming to email@example.com
Peace. Love. Woof.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Phewwweeee. You may have noticed that I haven't written a blog posting for about 10 days or so now....well that's only because I've flippin well been racing non-stop, isn't it? I've been as hectic as a red light bulb salesman in Amsterdam, I tell you.
So before I explain the photo above, here are my results in the last ten days:
27th Jan (Walthamstow) - I know I have told you about this one, but I came in first
6th Feb (The 'Stow again) - First
8th Feb (Harlow) - You've guessed it Chicas, I came in first yet again
As you would imagine, I am absolutely overjoyed at this somewhat purple patch in my career. You will see above that there is a photo message from my good friend and former Olympic gold medalist, Linford Christie (or The 'Ford as I call him). I am not ashamed to admit that The 'Ford has been behind my recent revival and it is down to him that I am turning it round.
He's a good lad, Linford, and he calls me his little Chumpion. He encourages me not to become Dogged down in all the hullabaloo that surrounds my races but just focus...and when the traps open, run like the clappers! He actually called me last night and told me that I am reminding him of his form in 1992-3, when he scooped both Olympic and World Golds. That may be so Linford, but you didn't get the pick of the bunch at Charlie Chan's Discotheque, did you mate? No Sally Gunnell for me!
Ahem, back to work now, methinks.
Keep well people - I reckon I will be racing this week, so will keep you posted.
Peace. Love. Woof.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
As you will know, I haven't been able to get on T'internet lately to write my world-famous blog.
Reason being see, that in the last few days I have raced not once, not twice but THREE TIMES! It's a bit like being that Daniel Beckenham fella at Real Muttrid - the more famous you get, the more demand for personal appearances there are, the less time you have for your loved ones. Much like the ladies in the picture. Can't quite recall who the one on the right is, but the laydee on the left is that Keeley. She's the one that the Chelsea player Joe Cole got a bit of bother over and she is also really successful in her own right - she has her own column on page 3 of The Sun, no less. She's a great pal and if I could just get a BLEEDIN' MINUTE on my own, I could give the Keelymeister the attention she so rightly deserves.
In any case, here is how I have been doing:
Saturday 21st Jan - ran in the first race at The Stow. My owners were there, big expectations, and I blew it. Fifth. Very embarrassed and ashamed. Still got tanked up at Charlie Chans', mind.
Wednesday 25th Jan - Jono stuck me in an evening race at Harlow. Harlow can you go, you might ask? I mean - Harlow for heavens' sake! Because I was out there, my owners never came to see me, and for that reason I can't give you a full description of what happened (ahem). But I came 4th.
Friday 27th Jan - Because of what is now known as 'The Harlow debacle', Jono stuck me in the afternoon races. Well I stuffed it up him, didn't I. Only powered home to a now famous victory - the fifth in the Flying Frank story. get in!
So now, after three races in six days, we look to the future. No race scheduled as yet, but will keep you posted. In the meantime, I shall keep myself busy with old Keeley and, er, wotsername...
Peace. Love. Woof.
Friday, January 20, 2006
It's tomorrow (Sat 20th Jan) - Yikes!
The usual venue - Walthamstow Dog track (aka The Stow)
7.30pm, first race of the night, trap 2.
There's also a trophy up for grabs so I am hopeful I can scoop the booty.
Afterwards I am going to the cinema. Feel free to join me - I am going with some of my crew down the Thurrock Odeon after to see Cheaper by the Dozen 2 - this time you'd better watch out! I just loved the first one and thought it was a true masterpiece of our time. It worked on so many levels and I realised it's true - it is cheaper by the dozen.
Will let you know how it goes - wish me luck by emailing me! firstname.lastname@example.org
Peace. Love. Woof.
Monday, January 16, 2006
I'll be honest with you, I very nearly wasn't here this week.
After weeks of talks, offers, counter-offers and cloak-and-dagger meetings, I decided in the end to turn down the opportunity to appear on Big Brother.
Whilst I'm a big fan of the Channel Paw programme, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. They would have me up to all sorts on there, probably getting me on a chair trying to impersonate a human being and all that. It would have been so humiliating and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I know I like a bit of fun with the ladies and all, but at the end of the day racing is my business.
Besides, I have to avoid Tracy Bingham for the foreseeable future (if she asks, just say I have moved to the Congo and should be back sometime in 2010). The package they were offering me was fantastic as well - one years supply of Pedigree chum, a brand new piece of rope to chew on (mmmm, rope) and a pooper scooper. They also offered expenses too. They were prepared to take me down there in the back of a brand-new Volvo estate and stick me in a proper wooden kennel (from B&Q) before I went in the house. Despite all that, I've decided to concentrate on work.
Nevertheless, I thought I would put up a picture of my good mate Makosi Musambasi, star of the last series of Big Brother. She's a good lass, The Makos-meister, and we originally met when I was making a personal appearance in Zimbabwe many years ago - I'm too much of a gent to tell you what happened, but suffice to say I didn't let my country down. I have given her a bit of advice on how to handle fame and as soon as she becomes famous, I'm sure she'll implement it.
As I was saying, I'm concentrating on my racing at the moment and the situation is simple - I'm battered, bruised but making progress. I raced at The Stow on Saturday night and I was even the favourite to win. Alas, the world of greyhound racing is quite bitchy at times and there are several people who want to ruin things for me, hence me getting bumped twice in the same race. Nevermind, I won't let them get me down. Onwards, upwards and onto the next race. Will let you know when it is.
Got to go now - I have a conference call about the possibility of appearing on Living TV's 'I'm famous and frightened'.
Peace. Love. Woof.
P.S. - Thanks to my homegirl Diana. I lurrved the pictures of those ladies. Keep them coming people to email@example.com
P.P.S - I have heard about a certain dog called Jus for Xmas who is trying to muscle in on my territory. Yawn. Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Get back to where you once belong, as the Beatles sang.
And I am - this Saturday infact where I am racing again at The Stow.
If any of the Flying Frank Army want to come down and see me, I am running in the 21.21pm race, over 475 metres. Titled the 'Enter our nomination cup...your chance to win £1000' stakes, I hope to be bounding out of trap 2 (boo! as you know, the Original Frankster prefers trap one - the ambience in there is just soooo more appealing) and with a bit of luck, onto a famous victory. Then onto Charlie Chan's if I win, ladies!
Hope to see you all on Saturday night - drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org to wish me luck.
Peace. Love. Woof.
P.S. - Big shout going out to one of my newest homegirls and brand spanking new Triple F (Friend of Flying Frank), Diana Williams. I hear you have just discovered The Flyer - keep on spreading the word down at the golf club, girlfriend.
Monday, January 09, 2006
For me, the year has got off to a tremendous start. First of all, I got this brilliant message from my youngest fan, a little bonny, bouncing cherub called Leni Zetter. Leni (she lets me address her by her full name, Leonard) was only six weeks old when this picture was taken, has really helped me with my rehabilitation. With her simple gesture, she has taken me back to my inner child. Subliminally, she has sent me the encouragement I have been looking for: "Just run like a young child, The Flyer, be free like me and you can do it.'
And Lo and behold, the minute I take on her advice, things start to look up.
As you know, I wasn't a very happy bunny (mmmm, bunny) in the last part of 2005. I was stuck in the BAGS (Bookmakers Afternoon Greyhound Service) and I was on a one-way ticket to Battersea. But Leni's message changed all that. It made me face up to my problems and act more like a dog, not a puppy. So I had it out with Jono, my trainer. I sat him down and tenderly explained to him that if he didn't get me out of the BAGS and back onto the night races at The Stow then I would become particularly 'friendly' with his entire roster of female greyhounds. He knows my reputation - and you can guess the rest.
I did have a couple more BAGS races at the end of the month, but I made my comeback on the big stage as a late replacement on the 30th December. I came second, but knew that I was feeling good. And then, for the first time in over four weeks, I was back racing proper on a Saturday night at The Stow.
Now, I don't like the winter too much, but I wanted to turn on the style a little bit for my fans. Although I came third, I posted the fastest time of my career in the race (29.40 secs) and I was well chuffed. Infact, so high was the standard that the winner, Spoofy Doo, posted the quickest time at Walthamstow this quarter. Anyway, I may not have won....BUT I'M BACK BABY! That's right, I have returned to the evening circuit and the only thing I need to do is make sure I stay there.
Well, there are two things really. I also need to take one of the female dogs at the kennels to a doctor I know who can 'sort out' problems before Jono finds out. Don't tell him, I'll know it was you.
Onwards and upwards then. We are going to start back up soon with even more celeb pictures and crazy postings from my celebrity life, so make sure that, during the forthcoming Year of the Dog, you keep tuned to www.flyingfrank.com !
Peace. Love. Woof.