Thursday, June 30, 2005

Back home

well, as you can tell from the title, I am back in Jono's yard following my recent break.

As I said before, I just had to get away, and even though my good friend Jeffrey from Rainbow was in town for one night only, I knew that Darlo was the place for me and that I would have to sack Jeffers off. He is quite content up above the streets and houses, flying high, anyway.

Darlo is the only place I can really call home, you know, where I can relax and where no-one judges me. Oh yeah, and they have women with extremely loose morals, but that has got nothing to do with it (and my deal with a national paper forbids me from telling you anyway).

So I am back, focused and raring to go. I know that my performances so far have been paw, but I am hoping to raise the standards next time I am on the track. Last Saturday there was a dog there who really got on my nerves. CJ his name is. He was giving it large in the kennels, let me tell you. There he came, strolling in with his bling and his bitches, romped home to a win and then took a particular lady I have a fondness for home with him. He also gives it LOADS about his celebrity owner - dontcha just hate that shallow name-dropping? I would never tell anyone about my close friendships with the likes of Girls Aloud, Jimmy Somerville and Virginia Bottomley.

He also nicked my bowl of water. Big mistake pal. Let me tell you mate - no one crosses me and gets away with it - I will see you on the track.

As for my next race, Jono has given me the weekend off to re-charge my batteries. I know that I need to start winning soon. If I don't I will start chasing my own tail - it'll be the only way to make ends meet.

I will let you know when I am next on - this coming Tuesday or Thursday I would have thought - but in the meantime, please support me by posting a message or emailing me at Better still, why not come down and see me? The dudes at Frank PR (AKA - the Cash cows, according to Jono) come, but I don't see many others - yet. Let me know.

For now though...


Peace. Love. Woof.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Race 4 - First is first, second is nowhere. Fourth...And it's the butchers window

I'm going to keep this brief because I am currently in transit. I am on a National Express coach (do they call it Greyhound in America?), on my way to visiting an old flame in Darlington - Darlo to those in the know - and the WiFi on my laptop is playing up, so I will stick to the brass tacks:

I came fourth last night and my life and career is spiraling out of control, hence the reason I am taking some time to get away from it all in Darlo. I don't why this is happening to me but for some reason I just can't pull it all together. All of a sudden I realise that when Jono tells me "You've got a career in medical science ahead of you", he doesn't mean as a chemist.

When you are a top level sportsman, you live and die by your results and mine aint looking too pretty. I have tried cutting back on my celebrity lifestyle - I did just the one DJ set last week - and as for the ladies...well, I am practically a Monk! See the picture below if you don't believe me - I restricted myself to just three last night.

What I need - desperately - is a win and I have come to Darlo to see if the town can give me some inspiration. I am heading down to Escapades nitespot tomorrow and I hope this is just the tonic.

Wish me luck - will let you know on my adventures.

Peace. Love. Woof.

This is about the only thing good thing that happened to me last night - a visit from my bitches. As you can read above though, the whole experience left me knackered, feeling under pressure.....and itchy. Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 23, 2005

I was going to tell you news of my next race, but I thought I would get my good friend, cricket legend Brian Lara to tell you about it you can see from the picture, it is tonight and despite Brian's mistake (that's Brian for you!) it is at 8.23 tonight (Thursday), not 8.29........He's a good mate and all but calling me just 'Frank'? Bit familiar isnt he? We had a good night out together, on the lash with some ladies and some rum, but still....see you tonight!
 Posted by Hello

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Saturday night - Armageddon

Another race, another failure for me. I came fifth on Saturday night which means my professional racing record so far reads: 2nd, 4th, 5th. This isn't good and I am terrier-fied.

I don't quite know what the problem is - it could be that I am burning the midnight oil a bit too much (I did do a personal appearance at Jumpin Jaks in Carlisle this week) but I don't think so. It could also be that I am paying a bit too much attention to the ladies - some bitch broke my heart a few days ago - but I don't think it's that either. Maybe it's the company that I am keeping (Snoop Dog is an old pal) - I just don't know. What I do know is that if I don't pull my socks up and start performing I will be appearing at a barbecue near you soon. Marinated.

Jono said it's time to put the past behind me and look forward. He has booked me into a race this Thursday (23rd June) and its over a longer distance, which he said might suit me better. He is being quite kind to me, although he does keep telling me to get it together to 'squeeze more from the eejits' at Frank PR who own me. I am not sure what an eejit is, or why they need squeezing, but Jono has a really nice sports car and I think they assist him with that in some way.

So there you have it - I am a bit down this week. I haven't really been performing and it's time I delivered. See you on Thursday - wish me luck!

Peace. Love. Woof.


Friday, June 17, 2005

Next race!

Stop the press people!

I am now racing tomorrow night - Saturday 18th June in the 8.39 at Walthamstow. This has come as a bit of a surpise as I was planning on having it large this weekend. I had a bit of tai chi planned with Tony Slattery and Bouncer from Neighbours as it happens.

Now I need to focus on the race, get my head down and hopefully I can come out of the traps a stormer. Will let you know how I get on - wish me luck!!!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Here is after the race on Saturday when the winners and their owners got their trophy. You're probably thinking what I'm thinking - but no, the dog didn't get eaten by his owners after.
Jono told me to keep this image fresh in my mind, remember how much it hurts and turn it into a positive. One day I too will be dressed up like a PG tips monkey and paraded for general amusement. Bring it on! Will let you know when my next race is - should be soon! Posted by Hello
Thought you might like to see some pictures from last Saturday's race. This is me before the action. As I said - and as you can probably tell - I was feeling a bit ruff. Posted by Hello

Monday, June 13, 2005

Race 2 - Saturday 11th June

So as most of you know, I ran in my second professional race on Saturday night, the 8.39 at Walthamstow - and what a complete, unmitigated disaster it was.

I had it all planned. I would stroll up to Walthamstow, flirt with a couple of ladies, down a quick bevvy in the bar followed by Scampi and chips and then make my way down to the track. From there, I would power to my first win, pose for a picture with my owners and then paint the town red with my good mates Robbie from Eastenders (I know him through my close pal Wellard) and Barry Chuckle. We were on the VIP list at Faces nightclub in Ilford and it promised to be a stormer.

What actually happened was a bit different. When I got on the track, all I could hear was "Flying Frank! I'm gonna bet on Flying Frank!" from the punters and that made me a little nervous. All of a sudden the Bobby Davro visualisation technique went out of the window and I felt very uneasy. With a starting price of 10-3, I was slow out of the traps and from there I never really recovered. My owners think I got bumped on the first corner, and whilst Jono has told me to keep to that official line, the truth is I never really got over a dodgy Rogan Josh I had the night before. I was out with an "ex Hollyoaks actress" (That's all I'm saying - a gentleman never kisses and tells!) and I think I overdid it. I eventually came in fourth and my owners from Frank PR - who love me as a dog and not just as a novelty, oh no - were out of there quick smart. No photos, no "Frank, you're the Dog's Bo****ks", none of that.

When I got home, Jono hit the woof. He told me that I need to get my head down and cut out the celebrity excesses. Some of my mates were a little nicer. My current squeeze tried to cheer me up by telling me that 'Rome wasn't built in a day". True - but then I am Irish and has an Irish builder ever been later delivering a job? I don't think so.

Hey ho - I will learn from this and do better next time. I will keep you updated on my next race - in the meantime, please continue to post me messages - it cheers me up, particularly as I can see a vet coming over here with a rubber glove on his hand. Also, thanks to those who have posted already - it's good to hear from you.

Speak soon.


Peace. Love. Woof.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

My first race

So now you know all about me, and now that I am settled in at Jono's yard, it's time I started racing. Which I did, last Tuesday, May 31st at the Greyhound theatre of dreams, Walthamstow.

My day started with a surprise. There I was, over breakfast, having just finished my crunchy nut, moving onto toast with an espresso in my hand (on raceday, I know! Don't tell Jono!) when I saw my name in the Racing Post. I was there in black and white - Flying Frank, in the 9.03, trap 4. Rock on! These are the sorts of days you dream about as a dog and I wanted to put on a good show, particularly as my owners were coming down.

The next few hours were a blur - a procession of massages, last minute preparations, bandages, some lady fun (always good on raceday), old 'mates' coming out of the woodwork asking for tickets...You know the drill. Anyway, I was just focused on the race and soon enough 9.03 arrived. I got a little walk down the track, then was put in the starting cage. At this point I was focused. On one thing only. That bloody rabbit. I use a technique called visualisation, taught to me by old mate Bobby Davro. He would be a hopeless, failed comedian without it, let me tell you.

And we were off. Racing. The wind in my hair, going round the first corner and....I got bumped! Some hound hit me! At this point I was last but I really wanted to put on a show for my owners so I steadily made ground on the rest, caught up and, at the finish post....I had come in second! Fantastic. Not only had I turned in a place in my first race - with a starting price of 8-1 - but I had also scooped a massive £27 in prize money for my owners. Not that I'll be seeing any love from the money-grabbing, penny-pinching....ahhhh, relaxxxxxx

After the race my owners from Frank PR came down to see me in the kennels. They seemed alright, but wanted to stroke me and stuff and I don't really think that a top-class sportsman should be treated like that, do you? They also made some jokes about them wanting me to Winalot of races. They nearly got a bite on the nuts for that, I can tell you, but Jono says I have to behave myself in front of the corporate suits. Something about 'paying for the holiday home in Marbella'.

So there you have it - race one and second place. I am next on on Saturday 9th June in the 8.49. Pop down if you like or wish me a message of good luck on here - it all helps. You never know, soon I might be a famous dog, gracing the covers of celebrity magazines. A dog on Heat, if you like.


Peace. Love. Woof.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Welcome to my Blog - Introduction, June 2005

Hello everyone,

So let me tell you what this is all about. My name is Flying Frank and I am real, live, racing Greyhound. I am owned by the ladies and gentleman at Frank PR. Let me tell you, it doesn't make you feel so good to keep being told that you are 'owned' by someone, I might end up consulting my union about it - but I digress. Anyway, the deal works like this - they brought me over here from Ireland (more about that later), sent me to John Coleman's place (more about him later too) and now I run every few days at Walthamstow dog track. Here's my quick guide to the movers and shakers in my life so far:

Me & my background

I was born and bred in Ireland and have only actually been living in the UK for a couple of months now. I guess you could say I fit all the usual stereotypes of a young Irish male - I'm young, brash, like a Guinness, am up for the craic and go down a storm with the ladies. I'm also big mates with the other fellas on the Irish celebrity circuit - Bono, Ronan Keating, Frank Carson and Gerry Adams are all personal friends and I even had a pyjama party with Brian from Big Brother recently. That was weird.

My birth name was actually Ard Highway, but the fellas at Frank PR soon saw to that and made me change my name. They told me it would be like a stage name and that it was because I was special. I didn't really believe them, so they offered to give me Pedigree chunks rather than the Tesco value stuff and the deal was sealed.

Coming to the UK

After doing my doggie apprenticeship in Ireland I was brought over to the UK by a trainer called John Coleman. I know what you're thinking. Is this Jono Coleman, the tubby aussie, radio DJ, media personality and former celebrity dad of the year? No it's not. It's just an Irish fella with the same name.

So John brought me to his yard and that's where I spend my days, eating, training and romancing the ladies. Let me tell you, there are some honeys round here! John is an excellent trainer and I know he thinks I can go onto better things. He only has my best interest at heart and is always on the phone to my owners. After he ends each call, he always laughs for a while and then shouts "One born every minute!". I'm not sure what this means but I think it's a good thing.

My life is good fun and as well as being a greyhound, I like to do what I can with my spare time. As any top-level sportsman will tell you, you have big chunks of time to fill in between training and I like to keep myself busy. I like to read, watch a bit of TV and chill out with a nice bowl of water while listening to music. I am also currently learning French (again, the ladies love this). I recently saw an advert on TV for LearnDirect where they offer computer courses, which is the reason I now have this blog. Whilst I wouldn't say I am brilliant on the computer, it's not bad for a dog is it?!

This blog

Unfortunately, John is calling me out to train and has a lovely, juicy rabbit in his hand so I have to go. Some of the other fellas claim it's a fake rabbit but I reckon they are just annoyed cos they can never catch it. One day I will and I will devour the elusive bugger whole.

So I have got to go - I will keep you up to date with my racing career. In the meantime, please feel free to to add your comments, ask questions and keep updated with whatever you like.


Peace. Love. Woof.

Monday, June 06, 2005

This is me with my owners. They are OK but one of them was a little 'friendly'. Posted by Hello